My Journey, My Voice, My choice!

My life, issues, thoughts and voice

Monday, July 31, 2006

Confusion to the MAX!

To everyone reading this,
I am sorry if it makes no sense, but I was gonna write I last night after bible study, but that would have been worse, so if any of this confuses you, I am sorry!

Okay, so last week at bible study, we talked of Ephesians, and how if you think about it, that book clashes with what the book of James says. So... Liam asked us to think about what that meant!

Well... I thought, I think I over thought it, because now I am SO CONFUSED! I sat in bible study last night, honestly trying not to take much in, because everything new I took in added to my confusion, When James and Alana were talking about how they didn’t clash, I had NO IDEA what they were talking about, nothing at all! I felt so darn bad because I didn’t know what to think, and anytime anyone asked me, “what do you think?” I just repeated, “im lost, I have no idea, I am SO CONFUSED!!!”

Well, in my life, as my MSN name states, I have too much on my mind and I really would like my brain to explode, and most of this is because of confusion, or a choice I have to make, that I am too scared to make! So, some of my thoughts that I am willing to publish on the net...

1.The book of James is awes; I really liked how straight forward he is… Basically he says do this and don’t do that, Easy as to follow! BUT then… Ephesians says that it is not by the work of our own but by gods will, so one person says it is by us, and another it is by god. My first thought was well I am supposed to believe the bible right? But what do you do when there are clashing views????
Well... James explained it somewhat to me, and honestly I kinda forgot what he said, but he based them all around faith! That triggered in me something I have been trying to hide!
2.Just Sunday night I went online and I was told by someone at Macleod that they admired my faith, on Sunday at church during Alana’s organized prayer, I was told I had a lot of faith and to keep it up!
So why it is that everyone else can see my faith but I can’t? Recently I have told people that two things I desire deeply are for my faith to grow because I don’t see that I have enough faith??? That has confused me though, because everyone else sees that I have, and I quote “amazing faith in god” But I don’t feel that faith? How can others see it but I cant?
During Sunday worship we sang the song “have faith in god” I really liked this song, and immediately it brought tears to my eyes, why? Because I feel I am struggling with my faith! Its not that I don’t believe in god, I DO! Trust me I DO, its more that… grr... I cant put it into words!
The second desire I have! I was talking to Mel and Alana over the weekend, a light hearted chat...
BUT... we all know god has a plan for us right? Well, have you ever been in that situation that you just wanted to know what it was? Well, like I was saying to Mel and Alana, God has pulled me through some experiences I never thought I would overcome, and when I think about that, I just want to know why??? Why does god want me here, what is his plan??????

Okay, now completely off the track:

4. Have you ever been so angry at someone, as in you didn’t want to see them, speak to them, anything! They don’t know your angry at them because you cant tell them, your too angry. But then, they come completely out of the blue, and do something that they didn’t have to do, that meant SO much to you, and you then feel guilty for being mad in the first place, but then… you kinda had a reason for being mad???
Okay if you understood that you’re a legend!

Okay... back on track!

5.Well James was talking about it in his blog, and also on Sunday and Liam mentioned it last night, accountability partners, someone who you can tell, “I am sinning” and they will help you to stop!
Well, I really thought about that, great idea James, except for one glitch… You have to find someone you are willing to tell that to! Like we also discussed on Sunday arvo, and Liam also said last night was… That it is human nature to fear judgement; however, even if you know the person you are talking to will not judge you, you still fear it?

Okay... thats all for now... there is heaps more, but I couldn’t be bothered typing anymore!
Please let me know if you have ANY idea’s, solutions, ect ANYTHING TO HELP!!!!!!!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

My metaphor!

I have something I am pondering on...

Well this morning at church Saz lead worship band (so awes) and before we sang she asked us to imagine that we entering a place that is just full of god! Nothing else! I was like WOW! Okay then… I will do it…

This is what I saw:
A rainforest… the sun blocked out by the canopy of leaves! Drizzle in the skies… I could see gods shadow but not his actual figure, I could see it in the distance, He wasn’t moving, he was comfortable, it was obvious he wasn’t going anywhere. But to get to god I had to walk along a path with frogs (EWWWW), snakes, leaves, insects, ect. I saw them as obstacles in my way of reaching god, but there was no other way to get there! But if i overcome my fear of frogs and creepy crawleys i will make it to god!

I kind of reflected on this a little today, I see this as my life... I have god in the distance, not to distant that I can't see him and not to distant that I can’t rely on him though. I know that he isn’t going anywhere; he is in heaven comfy, happy, and content. It is my journey though, I have to walk that path, the path of life, and my aim in life is to, at the end, reach god! I saw the frogs, snakes, leaves, insects, ect. They were my obstacles, the ones Satan is putting in my life!
Well major says Satan only annoys us if we are close to god… Well honestly I have felt much closer to god since changing churches (sorry Macleod). Well… I do see that, and I have also, unfortunately, noticed that my life seems to have bad things happening one after the other… Is it Satan? Is this his way of trying to separate me from god? If so it’s not working! Through all the crap! That is happening I am growing closer to those around me, those I trust, but most of all, closer to god!
I just want to say, This morning Saz and James picked me up for church, and Saz told me she thought I was really dedicated to catch a taxi to youth group (don’t ask), and well, I didn’t think anything of it, I was like “um… thankyou… I think????” But now I think about it, just a passing comment like that can make you feel so special! Well in our 4:30 meeting (still doesn’t have a name might I add) Alana did this prayer that was designed to encourage everyone, and well, honestly I have needed that, I needed to hear it! I have had the WORST week out, my weeks seem to be getting worse, BUT I do think this one tops it off, as I am now hobbling on crutches which are soooooo uncomfortable, I guess I just needed to hear that I was loved, but what I did notice, is that each person in the group, had a similar thing to say about me, it wasn’t a “I will say this… it sounds good” It was an honest opinion!!! Well, even though I am in agony and my rents are driving me insane, I still feel somewhat uplifted!

So... after all that, my metaphor in life, including frogs, a brief of how crap life is, and how great greensy salvo’s is turning out to be, and HOW AWESOME IS GOD???? Seriously, in my last blog I said that Satan was powerful, and Mel said god was more powerful! She is right (as usual)

Friday, July 28, 2006

Just to make matters worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just to make matters worse... what do i do? i go and break my ankle! Now.. i have issues to deal with but i cant walk properly, AND i have to use crutches! This sux i go everywhere by train! cant do that on crutches- that means i am like stuck at home! cant get to church, cant go shoping, cant do anythin! THIS SUX!

I swear if i beleived in curses i would say i have one! I am so over life at the moment! Why does everything have to go so wrong?????

ARGH! I swear Satan is too powerful!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Prayer is needed!

A Prayer is needed!

Majorly! my sis is sick! well more injured!

Not rhiannon for those who know her

This is kylie! she has been beaten up badly by an ex! My neice and nephew sat and watched at a young age!!!!!!

Please pray for their health as i am so scared and worried! Asking... More begging for some help!!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Christian Cross

Well, learnt something in a legal documentary the other day, and now i have figured out what to say about it.

Did you know?
"the golden arches of MCDonalds is globally more known than the christian cross"

Thats horrible! i couldnt beleive it when i heard that, im like dude its junk food, food is no where near as important as god!!
That challenged me, majorly! I immediatly wanted to fix it! I have alwyas been told to spread the word, share the gospel, and honestly i have struggled to do it, i figured someone else would! BUT... obviously not enough people are!
Not enough people are learning about Jesus!

I want to fix that.... Do you?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Anger... such a strong emotion! What to do when your angry?
(Hint: Dont punch walls, you break knuckles and cant write properly for 2 weeks)

Well as i have told a few people i have been angry for months now, it just wont go away, just when i start to get over one thing, another comes along!
And then, i hear things from people, i read things, and they make me think honestly, i try to not get angry as james 1:19 says "you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" If only it were as easy as that? Dont get angry, okay, done! I wish!

With anger, usually comes confusion, and trust me when i say, i have had enough confusion to last me a LIFETIME! I still have it all, building up in my head, blocking out the good saving all the bad, my brains filter has gone haywire!
i swear i have had that much on my mind, i am suprised i havent just broken down, oh wait I Have!The amount, of stress, anger, confusion, ect, is overwhelming, i am snapping at people, skitzing it for NO reason and yelling at teachers (Not good-you end up with detentions even if your WERE right and the text book WAS wrong)

Well, that brings me to my next point...
How can teachers teach incorrect details? Its not right! You cannot tell an entire class something, make then copy it down, when it is wrong! You cant!

History at my school is teaching the Salvo's- Awes right? Wrong, because they are teaching the wrong thing! Argh, Its like Lit, we did a story called 'headless' a dude cuts his head off for publicity! And the author says he is much like jesus, our essay topic was to prove that this was right, and that what jesus did was for publicity and not to save our souls! How can i be expected to write something that i am so against??? Seriously, i almost cried when i heard that!

Jesus died to save us from our sins, not so that money was raised and people can say thousands of years later "Hey remember that jesus guy, he got nailed to a cross for publicity" That's just not it!

And while i cannot say i am a saint, i do know how wrong that is!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

What is wrong with me????

What is wrong with me? Do I have that much on my mind I have blocked god out?

Well, both yesterday, and tonight Liam asked me to pray, and I couldn’t! I don’t know why! I have never had a problem praying, I was always nervous about saying my prayers aloud, but I could do it….However now, I just couldn’t, I still can’t!

It makes absolutely no sense to me, every day I am telling people how much I want I want the gift of teaching, and yet I cannot pray aloud?????
I am so scared that I am too distant from god, I cannot pray??? Liam says that I will be praying next week, and my immediate thought was “oh I wont come then” I mean, I immediately think of how I can get out of it, why???

As I write this, I listen to Barlow Girl, I praise god in singing everyday, today being in front of my entire school, and yet I am struggling to pray!

What is wrong with me? How can I fix it? How can I stop feeling this way?

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Whats new?

So... whats new in my little world?

Well church today, it was awesome, seriously, i was kinda nervous, coz last time liam did the meeting i ended up in tears, BUT... i am happy to report that no tears, were shed today!

So... whats new?
Well, honestly, not much is new? Still got a whole lot on my mind, with more daily! But tomorrow i am so pumped, and scared, doing a duet in front of tonnes of people and i am so so so scared that i will stuff up! But yeah, then bible study, and we are doing James and i luv it so much! i luv studieng the bible, i never used to, honestly i never even opened my bible, but now... since greensy i am always reading it, and now bible study! i am just loving it!

Anyhows, im off, gotta get up early tomoz for practice!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Whats a girl 2 do?

Short post...
Ever have that much on your mind, that things literally go in one ear and out the other, because bigger issues in life are stuck on your brain?

Whats a girl to do in this situation?

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Melissa said... Again

I have used this heading before, but that’s cause Melissa says some really challenging stuff.

Every single week at bible study, I am challenged, not deliberately, but by a passing comment, again it was Melissa, (I wrote it down this week...)

“When you’re angry you just have to think, is this something god would be angry about? If not, basically… get over it, if yes, why?”

Well Melissa, again you challenged me; it seems that every week I am challenged. I honestly don’t know what to say to this, I won’t try to put it in words because I will probably confuse you all, but this stirred something up in me.

Well, Melissa, Liam and other people, including myself, have given me challenges for this week, and for the future in general! The question I am asking myself, is

“Can I live up to them?”

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Overcome by Gossip

Consumed by anger? Im sure you have heard that, but... have you heard of consumed by gossip? Well if not, now you have.

Have any of you ever been the target of gossip? Ever been the butt of that joke? Ever not wanted to go to school/work/uni/ect?

Well, unfortunately I discovered just how bad that really does make you feel! Just how low you can get when people are lieing about you!
I don’t know what to say about it? I don’t know how to feel?

My so called ‘friends’ turn their backs because they believe gossip, which, if they really knew me they would know is not true, So far from true is horrible!

So, I have come to a realisation...
Honestly I have passed on rumours, I have NEVER started them, but I have passed them on, which I now know is just as bad! Because the target of those rumours feels so low, so miserable and almost scared!

My challenge, which I have set myself on, is to make sure I NEVER back stab, never lie, and never pass on rumours about anyone else, because the results can be disastrous!

A quote I love: “A good friend is someone who goes around and says nice things about you behind your back”

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Awsome Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMGosh! Ever woken up with the feeling that the day you are about to live is going to be really cool????? Well this morning I did!
I’m in I.T. (first period) and already this has turned out to be one of the best days of my life! So far… IM RIGHT!!!!! Explanation needed, I know!

Well I have previously spoken of feeling as though I couldn’t talk to any of my friends about God because they yell…. Well… Today for some reason (I’m guessing god) told me to talk to one girl today, and I just spoke of my weekend, and bible study tonight! And she was really interested, and then the conversation went on and we talked for ages about God, Jesus and what he an and is doing in my life, and what he could do in hers, and the convo went for like half an hour (I was late to I.T) but I am just so pumped! I just couldn’t believe it, just the other day I was talking to James about my struggles with this, and he gave me some *tips* and well I took them and now look! One of my closest friends really wants to know about God and possibly even start coming to church with me!!!!! This is turning out to be the best day ever!

Okay yesterday was absolutely awesome! I can’t exactly explain why?? Nothing *special* happened, it just turned out to be a really great day! I will run through it….

Got up early as to go to Rhiannon’s house before church so I didn’t have to wait at the station! So after leaving my house @ 8:30, I was dog tired, but not dead to the world (that makes no sense but ow well) and well got there, had a ball tyring to get her out of bed! Lol heaps and heaps of bumps and bruises for both of us (don’t ask) , well then we were a little late for church cause rhi’s mum was on the phone….

And then…. When we got to church we had to wait outside a little because we got there right in prayer time, well I looked around the building and I was devastated, Liam and Melissa weren’t there! I really wanted a make poverty history band, and Liam was the only one I could get one off!!!!!!! But… then they turned up! YAY I got my band!

Okay then…. Church was really good! I was fired up, and sitting Next to Sarah Mc who was also so pumped for god, was great, I was so excite to be there, basically jumping in the songs! And then Mark was doing the sermon, and what he said really challenged me, I had to sit down, it was over powering, I sat there for a bit, and I just prayed that god would give me the faith, the faith to astonish Jesus! And well as I sat down, Melissa came over, and just her there, made me feel some what, ‘safer’ She just asked me if I wanted to pray and her hand on my shoulder, (cant explain it) but my fears almost immediately vanished, I think I was almost paranoid, but Melissa was there (again… she always is) and it made things loads better!

Then after church we were just all around chatting, and then…. Alana decides just before we are about to leave, to go to the toilet, so then we were the last to leave! Lol, but still I went back to Alana’s house as I had to be back at the Salvo’s by 4:30 so there was no point going home! Well got back to Alana’s and we went to get chips! And obviously we were chatting and well we talked about random stuff and then she started her mind games scaring the crap out me by calling a piece of rubber a snake!  she found it hilarious, Well then at 3:30 I left Alana’s house and went back to the salvo’s, yeah I was early but I didn’t mind, I had my book and my Ipod, its all good! Well I was waiting ten minutes, on the phone for some of it, and Liam and Melissa got there, early birds…..

Well then, it started out as Melissa, Liam, and me, and while Liam set our room up, we just chatted a while, then James arrived, then randomly major Joe came, but lastly Georgia arrived! We chatted a little more, and then we went into the (smaller, primary, WARM) room, Liam had set up a few things, an open bible on red material, a cross made of nails on blue material, with a large candle in the middle with tea light candles around the edge, that alone kind of symbolised us, around Jesus, he sat in the middle of us, and together, as a group of five people sat and shared about him! Well today was the first week of this group (no idea of the name) but we spoke of gifts, both spiritual and *physical* (dunno what to call it… gifts such as kind, compassionate, caring) and well, a lot of discussion but over all really good!

Well then I went home, Liam and Melissa drove me to station, then waited with me, (first people I know who don’t just drop people off!!) And I don’t know…. Felt ‘loved’’ as I always say, most people just drop me off and drive away, but they didn’t… never mind just me…..

Well got home, went on my computer, wrote my speech on a book I haven’t finished, I think I did quite well (not being up myself or anything) but still, then I went to bed, and I read my bible again., I am reading 1 & 2 peter at the moment, and then went to sleep, and well when I woke this morning, I had only had 3 hours of sleep, and I should have been dog tired, but I wasn’t! I was wide awake, I was awake and ready to live today for God, and I was so psyched!!!!

Well I’ve been rambling for an entire period now, oops, probably should have done some work:s But, yeah, while its only the first period, I think today is going to be an awesome day, tonight I have bible study and I’m so psyched, then home to do my mountain of homework!

Im off
Catch ya

Thursday, July 06, 2006


This will, I’m sure of it be a long entry!
Well... What’s new in my life?? Well by blogging every day, leaves little for the imagination.
BUT, There is also the fact that some things are inappropriate for a blog that all can read, and then there’s the fact that maybe I couldn’t be bothered typing stuff up, oh and don’t forget the time issue... I have been out every night so far, getting to bed at 11 ish and then reading (my choice about the reading!) and then up again by 6:30...NOT GOOD


What? No I am awake... I’m just stuffed, majorly! So then, why am I on my computer writing a blog? Well I don’t know? I am in I.T. and I have a substitute teacher and no work to do! And I can get blogspot on the school computers, (they haven’t blocked it, but...they have blocked, msn, hotmail, piczo… all that junk), so what is this blog about?

Well it’s about strength!
The strength we need? Want and pray for...
Well I myself have been praying a lot for God to strengthen me, to give me more confidence, enough to do as he pleases, to overcome those who shoot me down, ect. It also seems that I am not the only one needing strength, speaking to a friend last night, and I was devastated to discover what I happening in her life... she needs the strength to overcome the evil in her life, but she won’t (or maybe cant) ask for it?

Well last night, I went to bed, WAY TO LATE may I mention but still, I wanted to finish James, I was half way through the last chapter of James when mum told me to turn the light off! So I set myself up, as I do comfy clothes, warm bed and a cup of hot choccy and I started, planning to finish James and then sleep... Well that didn’t happen, I did finish James, that happened, it was the fact that, I then didn’t sleep. I went to, turned my light off, climbed into bed, but it just didn’t happen…. I wanted to honestly but I had WAY too much on my mind. I was thinking about something... I couldn’t stop, I tried to push it away, I didn’t want to think about it but I couldn’t stop! i tried a phone call-Nope, I tried a movie-Nope and even going back online didnt work! I just couldn’t shrug it!

Well, it was one of those situations where you want to do something, you know what you could do, but then technically you cant, there are obstacles in your way, either physically, like money or time, or maybe emotionally, such as regret or fear even. Well my obstacles were emotional, I have both fear for this person, but fear in trusting this person, okay... its hard to explain, but still…. Well I needed strength, just enough to trust God with this issue, instead of stressing myself over it and loosing my much needed sleep, but… unfortunately for me, I didn’t get it! I wish I had but I didn’t, maybe I wasn’t asking properly, maybe, subconsciously I didn’t want it. I’m not entirely sure, but I am sure that, deep down I do want to help her, im just not sure what I can do? I have been praying for months now that God will touch her life, and make an impact on her life, but… Maybe he has, maybe I just can’t see it? But I can’t see any change in her, her behaviors or her life in general… does that sound harsh? It wasn’t meant to!

Well that’s kinda all I have to say, cept that I really do want the strength to live for God, and no one else, to have the chance to be there for him alone! No peer pressure, no parental pressure, just god and no one else! Doesn’t that sound awesome????
Well yeah, I pray that god will both strengthen me, those around me, those who wont ask for it, and those who will…
God Bless!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

“You’ve changed”

Im sure you have all heard that, either said to you, or out of your own mouth, or even just on T.V. Well I just heard that, only it wasn’t me saying it, it was my sister, Rhiannon, Saying it to me…I used to be relatively close to her, we aught like crazy, but when it came down to it, we were close.
And yet she isn’t happy for me? She isn’t happy that I have gotten closer to god??? And most of all, she isn’t happy that I am spending more time with the “churchiez”??? I just don’t get that?

I don’t know… I have kinda felt low today cause of what Melissa said the other night? (Not her fault, im glad she said it, I needed to hear it) But I wasn’t to bad, I have a talk to a few people, and I was feeling okay, but my sister came home, bragged about how “great” her weekend was, and when I went to tell her about me, I mentioned “yeah, well I went to bible study last night” and she didn’t want a bar of it, or of me? And well I just got shot down, really badly!

Well, in my Family, my sister and I were the only Christians, and when I was low, or struggling with my mum or dad, brothers, sisters, ect. I talked to her, she helped me, and well now, I kinda feel so alone. I mean I know I have some really great friends I can talk to any time, I have leaders who are more than happy to help me, but I feel like I have lost my….(buddy, mate…) I don’t know, I have always felt a little like an outsider in my family, (that’s a long story) but... I knew that I wasn’t alone in getting up for church, being excited about god, having really awesome stories of what god was doing in my life, and now?? It just all fallen down....

A few weeks ago, i told my sister that I was changing churches; I wanted to go to greensy, and she told me, that I had – direct quote “dude, why have you become like all christiany??” and I didn’t think anything of it, but now I think, what did she mean by that?

Well yeah, I have written two blogs today, in the space of 2 hours, but it’s just my mood has changed somewhat.

Monday, July 03, 2006

The book of James!

Well like i previously mentioned i went to bible study last night, and Liam asked whether we wanted to finish exodus, or start something new??? We decided some thing new... ThenLiam asked for sugestions on what? And suddenly i had a burst.... I have been told by many (being two) people that i should read the book of James and i honestly shrugged it off... "yeah ok i will" - i never got round to it!

Then Last night, Liam said to read chapter one before next week, knowing myslef well enough i decided to read it that night or i would forget:P Well i went to bed at 10:30... i got home at 9-ish and then we had visitors who wouldnt leave! So it was 10-ish when i ate, and then 11-ish by the time i was getting ready for bed (No i didnt take an hour to eat, i cleaned the kitchen too)

So once i was snuggled into bed i got out my bible, and i started to read, and i have a teen bible, which tells me what each chapter is about, and i read that first... I was then intrgued (No idea how to spell that)
And so i read, chapter one was amazing, only six verses in and i was 'wowed' (my new word) i just couldnt belive how amazing these words were, and so i kept readin...But honestly i was angry, once again... I reached verse 19, i think is was and it said "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" and this... i re-read it like 10 times, no exaggeration. I couldnt beleive how much that had struck me! I was reading something that many people had said (in different words but still!) to me and i ALWAYS shrugged it off thinking "you have to say that, your my parents, or my youth leader" or something like that... but this time God was telling me! and i couldnt shrug off! it was just so "LISTEN TO IT" i kinda cant explain it....

But anyhows, i continued reading James, past chapter one... i reached two... kept reading... three and i stopped, i got a message which kind of broke me out of a transe, i looked at the time, i knew it was late but i just had to write all of my thoughts down.... i just had too!
Well by the time i was finished it was 1-ish! Thus why i slept untill 9-30 this morning:( NOT GOOD

Anyhows, i just thought i would let you know how awsome the book of James is! Seriously, if you havent already, read it! James was really (wise, kool... dunno what word to use-you decide)

Melissa Said...

Well I went to my first week of bible study tonight… It was different to what I expected, but better! Well I was almost anxious about it... Will it be weird? Will I know what to say? Will i sit there bored???
Well I am happy to say that NO It wasn’t weird, I wasn’t bored and I knew what to say about SOME of the questions asked….
Well, of course something was said that made me think…
Melissa asked Sarah to talk about her touch from god (read in her blog) and Sarah… couldn’t, should I say, and well I don’t think this is word for word, but I think this is close enough…
“if we cant explain in our trusted group... how can we expect to tell those we don’t know??” or something like we're here to share our faith, then if we cant do that, then how is our faith gonna grow bigger… ” I don’t remember exactly but it wasa along those lines.
And this kinda made me think (as everything does) well I didn’t dwell on it much.. but now that I think about it it’s a really interesting point… and while a lot of interesting points were brought up in bible study, this kinda stuck…
Well Melissa was right… If we feel uncomfortable talking about god, with those we trust and know, and those who have faith already, how can we expect to successfully tell others about god?? I don’t know… And I admit, I have had these issues before, not knowing whether or not to speak, especially when it came to prayer… the room would be silent and I wouldn’t know what to do, so I would let my mind wander, and I sat in silence, not really talking to god. However, just recently, basically since Easter I feel like I have been given the strength to overcome that ….. (Fear????) I don’t know how to describe it.
But that leads into my other struggle, I don’t really tell many people about God, I try to… but I kinda get shot down once and that almosts puts me off, a few of my school friends are not Christian but, its not that they don’t have an opinion its just that theyir opinion is so strongly against mine, that whenever religion comes up, our opinions clash. As in, Christian against anti-Christ… and well I guess I have one to many fights over it, that I have been put off talking about God in my non Christian friendships, and its weird cause I can happily, blog about, talk about, anything really about god when I am with my friends who I know share my faith, but as soon as I am with my school friends god (and I am ashamed to say it) get put in the corner and a blanket covering him… I almost hide it!
Well I guess what Melissa said really kinda shook me out of it…. I don’t know, it was kind of a realisation… a bad one, but I am hoping I can change that!!! I do want to…
Well that’s kinda all I have to say…