My Journey, My Voice, My choice!

My life, issues, thoughts and voice

Monday, July 31, 2006

Confusion to the MAX!

To everyone reading this,
I am sorry if it makes no sense, but I was gonna write I last night after bible study, but that would have been worse, so if any of this confuses you, I am sorry!

Okay, so last week at bible study, we talked of Ephesians, and how if you think about it, that book clashes with what the book of James says. So... Liam asked us to think about what that meant!

Well... I thought, I think I over thought it, because now I am SO CONFUSED! I sat in bible study last night, honestly trying not to take much in, because everything new I took in added to my confusion, When James and Alana were talking about how they didn’t clash, I had NO IDEA what they were talking about, nothing at all! I felt so darn bad because I didn’t know what to think, and anytime anyone asked me, “what do you think?” I just repeated, “im lost, I have no idea, I am SO CONFUSED!!!”

Well, in my life, as my MSN name states, I have too much on my mind and I really would like my brain to explode, and most of this is because of confusion, or a choice I have to make, that I am too scared to make! So, some of my thoughts that I am willing to publish on the net...

1.The book of James is awes; I really liked how straight forward he is… Basically he says do this and don’t do that, Easy as to follow! BUT then… Ephesians says that it is not by the work of our own but by gods will, so one person says it is by us, and another it is by god. My first thought was well I am supposed to believe the bible right? But what do you do when there are clashing views????
Well... James explained it somewhat to me, and honestly I kinda forgot what he said, but he based them all around faith! That triggered in me something I have been trying to hide!
2.Just Sunday night I went online and I was told by someone at Macleod that they admired my faith, on Sunday at church during Alana’s organized prayer, I was told I had a lot of faith and to keep it up!
So why it is that everyone else can see my faith but I can’t? Recently I have told people that two things I desire deeply are for my faith to grow because I don’t see that I have enough faith??? That has confused me though, because everyone else sees that I have, and I quote “amazing faith in god” But I don’t feel that faith? How can others see it but I cant?
During Sunday worship we sang the song “have faith in god” I really liked this song, and immediately it brought tears to my eyes, why? Because I feel I am struggling with my faith! Its not that I don’t believe in god, I DO! Trust me I DO, its more that… grr... I cant put it into words!
3.
The second desire I have! I was talking to Mel and Alana over the weekend, a light hearted chat...
BUT... we all know god has a plan for us right? Well, have you ever been in that situation that you just wanted to know what it was? Well, like I was saying to Mel and Alana, God has pulled me through some experiences I never thought I would overcome, and when I think about that, I just want to know why??? Why does god want me here, what is his plan??????

Okay, now completely off the track:

4. Have you ever been so angry at someone, as in you didn’t want to see them, speak to them, anything! They don’t know your angry at them because you cant tell them, your too angry. But then, they come completely out of the blue, and do something that they didn’t have to do, that meant SO much to you, and you then feel guilty for being mad in the first place, but then… you kinda had a reason for being mad???
Okay if you understood that you’re a legend!
(p.s. NO RHIANNON ITS NOT YOU!!!)

Okay... back on track!

5.Well James was talking about it in his blog, and also on Sunday and Liam mentioned it last night, accountability partners, someone who you can tell, “I am sinning” and they will help you to stop!
Well, I really thought about that, great idea James, except for one glitch… You have to find someone you are willing to tell that to! Like we also discussed on Sunday arvo, and Liam also said last night was… That it is human nature to fear judgement; however, even if you know the person you are talking to will not judge you, you still fear it?

Okay... thats all for now... there is heaps more, but I couldn’t be bothered typing anymore!
Please let me know if you have ANY idea’s, solutions, ect ANYTHING TO HELP!!!!!!!

1 Comments:

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Liam said...

Hey Talia,
I wouldn't worry about "you know who said"
There opinion of you is obviously based on their own insecurities and judgement of themself. Anyone who isn't willing to put their name to their posts is also scared of being judged by their spiteful comments and isn't worth listening to.

1) As I said on monday, the bible has many different voices in it. It is important for us to recognise the different voices and be informed by how each of them was influenced by God in their own situation.
It encourages me that everyone experiences God differently, because it shows me that God is big enough to show the different aspects of his character to different people.
Different people experience God in different ways, however it is the same God.

2) Just a thought for you.
Bonhoeffer (the guy we talked about on Monday) said that if we struggle with our faith, it is because we are lacking in obedience. "Only (s)he who believes is obedient, and only (s)he who is obedient believes"

3) I don't know what God's plan is for you, I am just glad that part of it has been to bring you to Greensborough Salvos.

4) No comment

5) I think we have been talking lately about how the 'church' is meant to be different for the 'world' around it. Perhaps part of that difference is relating to not judging. I know it is hard, but if we want the 'church' to be all it is supposed to be, then perhaps we need to take the first steps.

God Bless you Talia,
I really appreciate having your input into our group.

 

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