Depression

Depression is the worst of all sadness. You are hurt so bad that you stop eating, sleeping, hanging out with friends and sometimes even turn to suicide. Your worst nightmare came true and you can't find a way out.

She's Sorry

She sits, confused and hurt, this time though; she has only one person to blame. This one person is the reason she sits alone, the reason she sits scared, the reason she has lost all those she loves. This person, so close to her, in fact herself, she is the reason she is all alone, the reason she sits in her own hell right now, the reason she sits lonely, scared, confused and angry.
Why lonely? Because she has hurt so many people with everything she has done, her stupid mistakes, be them big or small, have hurt those she loved the MOST!
Why scared? Because she doesn’t trust herself to be alone, however she also doesn’t trust herself to be around people. She doesn’t want to be alone as she doesn’t know what she may do, but then people around her scare her as she is afraid to hurt the few people that still care… catch 22.
Confused… simply because she doesn’t understand why she made these stupid mistakes, she knew they would hurt and yet she still did them, now not only those she loves but herself as well are left hurting.
Angry, at herself, for being such an idiot, for hurting those who did so much for her, for hurting those she loves so much…for ######## up the one last thing she had, for ruining the last hope of happiness she had.

Most of all she is sorry, she is sorry for hurting those who she loves the most, for pushing away the few people who actually wanted to help her, she is sorry that she messed up so bad. She knows, however that sorry wont cut it, she knows that a simple word won’t fix this; she doesn’t know if anything will…
If she could take it all back then she would, if she could turn back time she would, if she could do anything she would, she would die for these people if it would make a single difference… unfortunately, it wont. She doesn’t know what will help; she does know that she will do ANYTHING. She also knows that she is so sorry for those who are hurting because of her mistakes, she wants them to know that she will always love them whether they love her or not…

Dont forget!

Just a message!
Life is too short so...
-Laugh as often as posisble
-DO not avoid photo's
- Hug as many people as you can!
- Dont sleep on anger!
and lastly? Love everyone as though its their last day simply because, it may just be!
Get to know people, do not judge and
"love the lord your god with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul!"

How fast?

My title? How fast, what am i referring to? I'm talking about life, how fast it can quickly change, in one single minute, our lives can change so much, our lives can be over before you even have a chance to say "why"

I guess why i am saying this is, that i have had my life change numerous times, from bad to worse, then... everything looked up, and again... its getting bad, but that's not the point...

I was on the phone yesterday, my close friend told me she feared her life so she was walking away from church and God, that just put me into tears! I mean, when i feared for my like i turned to God and church and those within the church, thus the reason i am still alive!

My point? Trust in God, through the good, the bad, the fun and the scary times...
i know your thinking "that's not as easy as it seems" Trust me when i say that I KNOW! But... i also know that it seems hard to trust god, it is hard, but you know whats harder? Not trusting god!

Seriously, in September, when my life just went "Blah", i wouldn't trust god, i trusted people, but not god... (BTW: God was using those people i trusted) I wouldn't listen to everyone, everyone told me that god was there, he wouldn't leave, he wanted to help all i had to do was let him, and i just couldn't do it, and honestly, its was only last night that i truly realized that god has ALWAYS been there, he NEVER left and he never will...

So this post, its not aimed at anyone in particular, its just a note to remember:
"In a moment, everything can change" I'm not saying your life is gonna change in a negative way, I'm just asking you, if it does, who will you rely on? Will you turn to god? Will you turn to his faithful servants? Or... will you walk away?
I suggest that you trust him and his faithful servants, its what im gonna do!

Something i wrote

Something i wrote early this morning, not sure but i think that it is very true to my emotions at the moment, its not sugar coated, its not exaggerated, its just honest...

"Heal a broken heart"
My path is so unclear
What does my future hold?
Should I give into fear?
Or should I stand strong and bold?

I’ve prayed a thousand times
Yet no response I hear
Sometimes I sit and wonder
Is god even here?

I wish I knew what to do
With this life I live
Just a tiny clue
Of what I have left to give!

I’m about to let go
Leave it all behind
Everything I know
Any peace of mind

I’m scared of what’s to come
What I’ll have to face
If im gonna run
Or give up on this race

I’m praying for a light
To shine right through the dark
To help me fight this fight
To heal my broken heart

Quote

"sometimes the test of courage is not to die... but to live?"

Just a quote i found...
Nothing else to say!

Random thoughts

Ever just felt like you didnt belong?
Anywhere?
Lik eyou've tried so hard to fit in, not popularity wise but.... ah i dunno how to say it?

Well, im terrified... im about to start a new school, i have started a new church n i feel like its a whole new life...
Am i ready to live that life?

When i say belong, i mean loved... like, to feel wanted by those who surround you, to feel like if you left you would be missed...?
I know that God loves me, i know that i can never change that, there is nothing i can do or say that will change that, yet still... i feel so tested, as though im walking on VERY thin ice, does that make any sense? It did in my head!