My Journey, My Voice, My choice!

My life, issues, thoughts and voice

Sunday, March 18, 2007

She's Sorry

She sits, confused and hurt, this time though; she has only one person to blame. This one person is the reason she sits alone, the reason she sits scared, the reason she has lost all those she loves. This person, so close to her, in fact herself, she is the reason she is all alone, the reason she sits in her own hell right now, the reason she sits lonely, scared, confused and angry.
Why lonely? Because she has hurt so many people with everything she has done, her stupid mistakes, be them big or small, have hurt those she loved the MOST!
Why scared? Because she doesn’t trust herself to be alone, however she also doesn’t trust herself to be around people. She doesn’t want to be alone as she doesn’t know what she may do, but then people around her scare her as she is afraid to hurt the few people that still care… catch 22.
Confused… simply because she doesn’t understand why she made these stupid mistakes, she knew they would hurt and yet she still did them, now not only those she loves but herself as well are left hurting.
Angry, at herself, for being such an idiot, for hurting those who did so much for her, for hurting those she loves so much…for ######## up the one last thing she had, for ruining the last hope of happiness she had.

Most of all she is sorry, she is sorry for hurting those who she loves the most, for pushing away the few people who actually wanted to help her, she is sorry that she messed up so bad. She knows, however that sorry wont cut it, she knows that a simple word won’t fix this; she doesn’t know if anything will…
If she could take it all back then she would, if she could turn back time she would, if she could do anything she would, she would die for these people if it would make a single difference… unfortunately, it wont. She doesn’t know what will help; she does know that she will do ANYTHING. She also knows that she is so sorry for those who are hurting because of her mistakes, she wants them to know that she will always love them whether they love her or not…


At 28 March, 2007, Blogger james said...

knowing only a couple of the things youve been through lately I can tell that that poem (or whatever u wanna call it) is quite deep and I sense a strong element of truth in your writings.

The word 'repent' means to do a u turn. Completely change what your doing. Perhaps what you need to do in your saying sorry is to also repent. How you do that might be by getting help from someone or something. But the point is that it starts with you.

You have the power to change the world around you.

Dont forget that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive all of our sins!"


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