***Before u read this, you MUST know that, while there is some truth behind it, this is Extreme, and way exaggerated, so DONT STRESS! seriously...
Also...if u dont like dark depresisng stuff u prob shouldnt read this... Yh so...You've been warned, and told to NOT BELEIVE THIS ACURATLY - ITS EXTREME!"
Okay, so...i posted the first half of this a couple of weeks ago, and my second section of the outcome was to write "why is she in that room?" And well, i was in footscray for the last two days, i will post about that later, anyhows, i sat there after watching indoor soccer, and i just wrote, i didnt know what i was really writing, there was no purpose, but then...i came up with this...and i figured i could use it for my essay!
No-one sees the truth; no-one sees the fear, the pain, and the anguish. No-one sees, why? Because no-one is looking hard enough, no-one wants to see so they pretend that they cannot see her dying. Why? Why is this girl in so much pain? Why is she being tormented and hurt so badly? She believes it to be her fault, who else could be to blame? She believes it, but really is it her fault? Does she honestly deserve to feel so low?
She has done nothing wrong; she doesn’t deserve to hate life so much. She has been praying, no, begging, wishing, anything to be rid of this torture, to overcome this hell. She doesn’t want to cut, she doesn’t want to bleed, but… she sees no way out. No-one is looking at all, no-one really gives a damn about how she is…they say that they care but it’s obvious that they don’t! They couldn’t possibly, if they did then they would open their eyes and begin to notice how broken she is, how desperate she really is, desperate for love, not a spouse, but a friend, an honest friend, someone who will hug her when she cries, someone who will wipe away her tears, someone to say a prayer, someone to help her out of this hell she calls life.
So… why does she not smile? Why does she hide the truth? Why is she pretending to be something that she is not? Why? Because she has learnt, she has learnt that no-one cares, that there is no point in relying on others, they just walk in and out of her life; she is used to people leaving her life. She knows the truth. Now, and as she sees that! She cries out, she wants to change the truth, she longs to be held, to be embraced by some-one real, to be hugged when she cries, for someone to wipe away the tears, for some-one to actually care about her and how she feels!
She’s tired of feeling so alone, she’s tired of no-one seeing through her act, she tries to show them, every time she cries, every time she spills to someone, she tries to show them, but continually these people somehow convince themselves that she is okay. The must be so naïve to sincerely believe that she is fine, to honestly not see the signs, although, maybe they do see the signs, maybe they just ignore them, maybe they just couldn’t be bothered? So…who are they?
Every week, every time she sees them:
“How are you?” she always answers the same, “I’m fine, and you?” And the conversation continues onwards about nothing important, and yet, in her mind she screams out…
“IM NOT OKAY!” However, it’s only in her mind, no-one hears the truth; they think that they do. They are those who believe they know her, those who believe that she is fine. They are those who call themselves her friends, family, leaders’ even just acquaintances, those who are standing there watching her slowly die in pain, and those who stand there watching and do absolutely nothing.
They are those who cannot see through her games, who cannot see just how close to death she is, not physically, maybe just emotionally, or maybe, it is physically, would they even know the difference? They are those who continually ask how she is, but never actually listen closely to the answer, they only hear what they want to hear, they don’t hear her tone, and they certainly don’t see the look of disappointment as another person turns their back on her, they cant see that again, they just tore her heart in half!
She has had her mask on for so long; even she is unable to remove it! She has hidden the truth for so long! She is skilled at hiding now, her sweet smile, her laughing fit, her funny joke, its all fake! The chance of her showing her real feelings is not high! She has learnt not to, she has learnt to no longer trust anyone! She is getting used to being alone, to crying herself to sleep every night!
Do you think anyone can see how low she has sunken? Can anyone see the scars? Does anyone realize that the little food she eats ends up in the toilet? Can anyone even tell she is bleeding, inside and out, do they see the cuts on her wrists? Do they see the bruises? NO! They don’t, why? Because she is so skilled at hiding them! She has been doing this for so long, long enough to develop skills to hide them! No-one can see through her mask! She is always hiding her true feelings behind a smile and No one seems to be able to see through, maybe they do? Maybe they just don’t care! Who knows? She doesn’t!
She isn’t sure of who to turn to, of who to trust, who actually cares, the only thing that she is sure of is who doesn’t care, who not to turn to, she knows that her mother doesn’t care, her sister doesn’t, her brother doesn’t and her dad? Well where is he? he had the courage to take his own life, she however, doesn’t, maybe it isn’t strength, maybe it’s just her belief, her hopes and dreams that are slowly falling, she used to believe that she would be able to escape this place, that she would find some-one who loves her, find some-one who cares, she is starting to realize that, that person doesn’t exist, that place, that love, it doesn’t exist! She is slowly gaining that strength, that courage, before she couldn’t cut, she couldn’t fast and she certainly couldn’t bring herself to throw up anything, it was all way to disgusting and immoral, but now… now she doesn’t care, she is cutting all the time, and food is never an option, she knows what to say, she doesn’t feel well, she ate before she came, she isn’t hungry. She isn’t eating, she isn’t sleeping and she is cutting often! Why? Because no one cares…
How does she know that no one cares? Because she is told daily, by those who are meant to protect her from harm, the same hand that embraces her is the same that makes her cry. She is told daily, by her family, her friends, even strangers are telling her how unworthy she is, how much of a failure she is… Can no one see how they are killing this girl? Can no-one see the path she’s walking? The path of self destruction? Can they not see how low she has sunk? So low that nothing will ever reach her, nothing can save her? This girl, she is so close, maybe months, maybe weeks, maybe even just days away from loosing all sense of herself!
Soon, who knows how soon, this will all be useless, all be too late, this poor, lonely and ashamed girl will be gone, gone forever, and only then will anyone see realize just how far away she’s drifting, how much she cant cope, just how broken she really is…
She’s broken, confused, ashamed and miserable, but worst of all she is all ALONE!
What do you think? Does it work??