What to feel?
Petrified, releived, scared, confused, astonished, grateful, anxious, angry? The list just goes on...these are all the feelings that i have had inside me since wednesday night!
Have you ever had something happen and you kinda dont know whether to laugh or whether to cry? Well, i have cried, ALOT! I can't say that i have actually 'laughed' about it, but still... I have a HUGE feeling of releif, as though a major burden has been lifted off of me, No longer do i have to deal with that issue anymore! (btw: It was my main issue) But then...by removing THAT issue, another lot arise, and while they seem easier to deal with, if they arent dealth with then, the reprocussions could be disasterous!!!!!
So now i am kind of mixed up, i dont know whether i am happy that this situation has occured or whether i am devestated and wish i could go back in time...?
I dunno, I think that for the first, (well no, not the first time, but the most important...? I dunno) time that i need to feel god, i NEED his guidance, i NEED his light to shine on my dark, dark path, but it seems as though when i need him most he has turned his back...? Is it me? Am i pushing him away? If i am, how can i pull down this barrier? I cant seem to get on top of it to push it down:(
I guess i just feel completely powerless, i have tried everything and now i am living the effects of nothing happening, i dunno, it seems somewhat ironic, I had someone pray for me on wednesday night, a specific thing, and yet, the exact opposite happeneD? Is this gods plan? Does he have a reason behind his misterious ways? If so.... why do his lessons have to hurt so much? I dunno, i think i will leave it at that, i dunno i guess i am just SO (emphasis on the SO) sick of all these unanswered quesions! grr...
2 Comments:
Hun, God is still there think of that little story 'footprints' that keeps coming to my mind and i keep forgetting to tell ya.
But i am so glad that God sent me and u to greensborough i have never seen u look more calm than ever before. i hope that i have been able to give u the love u need cos god has gave u so many people to look after u in this time and within each of them he has given u little bits that u need
i wish i could do more to show how god is there for u
just keep praying and reading ur bible i know that is so much more easier said than done but its true. to keep a relationship with god isnt easy cos the easy way is to leave him just keep talking to him he is there have faith. love ya xoxoxox
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
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